i can't wait to get out of here.

i can't get to new york fast enough. i don't care if i don't have money or a job or a place to live.
i'd rather be living on the streets there than anywhere here.
thirty four days and i will be in new york. i can't wait.
i have a complete mental boner from the idea.

all of my paychecks are going into my savings account from this week forward.
watch out, fuckers. i'm coming to nyc.
i'm coming ready and full of cash.
WATCH. THE. FUCK. OUT.

live free, die hard.

well, things are a little better.
some plans have changed. as per my deep desire, i am moving my happy ass back to new york city come the end of september.
there's nothing for me in illinois anymore. even my mother is trying to get out.
i know, people elsewhere think illinois must be fun because of chicago, but really.. the fun ends there. it's just a lot of field and corn and suburban bullshit.
get me outta here!!

i'm set for a visit to the city sept. 2nd-5th. can't. freakin. wait.

i deleted my facebook yesterday.
i've decided i'm going to try and live as close to a minimalistic lifestyle as possible.
i want less things, less distraction and more life.
the only sites i use now are this blog and twitter.
i'm also trying to keep my phone off for most of the day, everyday.
nine times outta ten, i look at my phone and then forget why i was looking at my phone in the first place.
these are kick-able habits and i'm gonna work on it.
i tell you what, i don't miss facebook one bit.

beyond all that, not much else going on in the world of the single woman.
work and lots of it.
manvfood and lots of it.
beer here and there.
and uh.. that's about it. lol

hope all is well with everyone.

ouch.

today, july 3rd, in the midst of a holiday weekend with oodles of plans, my boyfriend of two and a half years broke my heart. basically telling me that he doesn't love me anymore, he broke off our relationship.

i've been in the broken-hearted position before. it doesn't make it any easier. it hurts. it hurts more than anything in the world. the one person in the world i've ever really loved and cared for tossed me aside like i didn't even matter.

my face is literally sore and pulsating from crying so much.

this hurts. i can't see it getting any better in the near future. everything hurts. every song or cd i own, every movie or tv show i watch. it all reminds me of him. reminds me of the man i love... who doesn't love me.

it took everything in the world for me to trust him enough to love him. it scared me shitless and on a promise he wouldn't hurt me, i let my guard down. i don't regret doing it because it opened me up to a world of love i would have never known.

but here i sit on saturday night. alone. crying. hurt. and missing him. i didn't think anything could ever hurt this much; and again, this isn't the first time i've been heartbroken.

i have nothing.
my heart hurts and nothing makes it better.
nothing.