my plans for a happier, healthier me!

aside from my weird mood, i thought i'd also share the ways in which i am taking steps in the right direction with my life.
when all roads led to my moving back with my mom for the summer, i decided i'd use it to my benefit. there were things and habits in my life i needed to change and/or break.
so here they are..

1. i'm enrolling in school for the fall. i've already applied and i'm filling out forms for student aid, etc. i'm going back to school for journalism and english studies. i'm not sure what i'm going to do with them yet, but just earning a degree of some sort will make me feel like way less of a loser.

2. i'm working on quitting smoking. i've already cut back to half of what i used to smoke daily. i feel i can have this habit kicked by next month.

3. i'm getting healthy. in addition to the long, long walks i take every morning with my dog, i'm eating better and eating less. i've been a fatty for far too long and i am not about to stay this way.

4. i'm going to become financially sound. my money disappears. i don't even know where. so, i'm going to become more financially stable and more responsible with my dollars.


only four steps, you ask? yes. only four steps. but they are four big steps.. and four big steps that will help create a healthier, happier me. :)

oyy...

well, the past few months have been interesting... and busy. lots of weddings. lots of baby news. a couple of my friends are expecting. oddly, it's making me incredibly jealous. a few more friends have gotten engaged... which definitely makes me jealous. i've never been one of those girls who dreams about her someday wedding at night. but being with the man you're pretty positive you're going to spend the rest of your life with makes you want those things. and i want those things.

today i've relinquished my keys to my apartment. i no longer live on my own.... again. back at my mom's. somehow i always end up here. no matter what i do i end up here. i want to be in my own place with my boyfriend. that's all i want for now. one next step. not all the next steps at once. just one.

so, here i lie on an air mattress in my makeshift room.

depressing. it's good. it's giving me a chance to get back on my feet, which i desperately need to do. free food, free living, free everything. it's wonderful. but in the same respect, my freedoms are almost gone and i feel like a huge burden on everyone. i'm doing my best to do my share and kind of stay in the shadows, but i always feel like i'm in the way or i'm doing something wrong.

i don't know. just a weird mood today.

i suppose i should sleep. i'll be awoken soon.

i miss being a kid. things were easier then.
i'm sure i'll be writing here a lot more frequently. i've got the time. believe me. i've got the time.