out, out, out, out, OUT!

i wanna get out of this apartment as soon as i possibly can.
i'd rather live in my car with my dog and all of my belongings.
everyone in my life is becoming SO incredibly useless to me.

you have a bad night and you think, "oh hey, my boyfriend
might wanna come cheer me up", but no, he's wrapped up in
his own shit AS USUAL.
or maybe like you've been asking for the past month, he'd come over
on tuesdays when you're working twelve hour days at two jobs just to make
ends meet and to eventually pay for everything we do over the weekend, so
he can simply let the dog out so he doesn't piss all over the room.
but no, he's wrapped up in his own shit, AS. USUAL.

i am so tired of this shit.

my roommate constantly has to have someone here. they gotta fuckin' party.
hey, you know what's a great idea? let's go pick up one of my (as in her's) friends
who just got a two month old female puppy and bring it over to the apartment
where my roommate (me) has a grown male dog who's not neutered and then let
my (her) friend badmouth my (her) roommate and her dog because he's not used
to being around young female dogs and wants to fuck her.

so in a rage, i storm off to my bedroom with my dog who has been whining incessantly
for the past two hours because he just wants to play with the puppy.

i am fed up with feeling like a fucking guest in my own fucking apartment. i am tired of never having a say in WHEN people come over and WHAT people come over. i'm tired of being disrespected in a home that I pay for by people who DO NOT pay to live here, but seem to weasel their way into staying here for days at a time. this isn't a god damn commune!

i am FED. UP.
i have two months left here and i'm hoping i can keep my sanity that long. i've come two years without flipping my shit on everyone here and i'm trying to keep it all sound in my brain until then.

so here i lie, exiled to my room in MY home. i'm furious at pretty much everyone right now.
trying so desperately to keep my cool right now.

i hate this place. i wish i had the money to pay for the next two month's rent. i'd fucking drop it in the rent slot and leave.
i'm out may 1st. i'm dropping off my rent check and LEAVING.

i miss new york.
i wanna go right this second.
i'm so tired of all the selfishness from the people in my day-to-day life. it's really getting obnoxious. i give and i give and i give and i receive nothing in return. less than nothing.
i'm not taking this shit anymore.
i quit everyone.
go to hell, all of you.