America the Edible

I realize my past few posts have been strictly Adam Richman related, but ya know what, deal with it. Nobody reads this shit anyway. It's for my own edification.

I devoured Adam's book in a day and a half. I could've finished it entirely in one day, but as is my need with most books, I like to prolong the experience when I'm enjoying it. As a child, I would make multiple trips to the library in a week, but always keep a few. I like to savor a good book. I find myself sad when I reach the end of a book I really enjoy.

Such is the case with this one.

The moment I began the first chapter, I was in it. The first few paragraphs of the very first chapter brought us into the world of Adam's heartbreak. Being a recent resident of Heartbreakville, it spoke to me instantly. Especially the "I don't love you anymore", which only 5 months ago was a phrase that shattered my entire life.

To have a reader in the first few paragraphs is a sign you're about to embark on a great literary journey.

And boy was I!

Food was never really something I considered to be "sexy". America the Edible changed my perspective of this. Watching someone enjoy something you also enjoy, or even have made, is absolutely sexy.

Now, I LOVE food. Trust, there's nothing I'd rather do than eat. All day, all night. Food is fantastic. But I never really realized what a profound effect it has on our lives. I remember hearing Adam talking about how food affects our experiences and stands out in certain circumstances in episodes past.. and until I really read what he has to say, I didn't realize how true that was.

Stories of romance, romance lost and craving romance - all of which feature food really make this book amazing. The food (including its taste, smell, and presentation), the people in Adam's life, the stories told, the cities and their histories, the locals, the tourists, the surroundings in the restaurants -- all feel completely palpable.

America the Edible is hands-down one of the most well-written books I've ever had the great pleasure of reading. (and I read a fucking LOT!) And I'd like to point out that I'm a completely unbiased reader. I'm a biased watcher. I'll watch Adam Richman do anything because he's delicious. I am a 100% unbiased reader, though. I've read books written by authors I admire and love that have absolutely bored me to tears. This was not the case with America the Edible. I was completely engaged and left wanting more.

Hawaii made me crave paradise and I envisioned that chapter easiest. I could feel Hawaii's beauty permeating through the pages.

San Fransisco broke my heart. All I wanted to do after reading that chapter is hug Adam Richman hard.

Brooklyn made me want to go home.
Every city, every chapter, every story; it was all magnificent.

I suggest everyone pick up a copy.... and I dare you to not rave about it! :)

Thank you, Adam Richman.

I don't know if ANYONE reads the garbage I spew upon this blog, and frankly I don't care... cause I don't write this for others, I write it for me.

But there is something I wanted to put out in the universe..

Over the course of the past five months or so, I've been blessed with the presence of Adam Richman, the magnificent host of Man v Food.
Let me go back a little bit...
If you just head back slightly in this blog, on my Twitter or my Facebook, or even -gasp- my real life, you'll know that on July 3rd, I had my heart shattered. Absolutely shattered.
I had spent 3 years with a man who was my entire world. We were engaged. Our wedding was planned. (Thankfully, it wasn't paid for! lol) I'd been in love before, but I'd never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved him. He knew me better than I've ever allowed anyone to know me.

We were the perfect couple. Everyone said so. It was a relationship so kismet, it didn't seem real.
Even our BIRTHDAYS were weird matches (mine is 1/11, his is 11/1). We almost never fought over the course of three years. We had the same sense of humor, the same tastes in almost everything, and we had a blast together no matter what we were or were not doing.
Furthermore, I spoiled him to pieces. I spent hundreds on the most thoughtful gifts and activities for special occasions (and even just when I felt like it!) and I did it because I wanted to. Because I loved him and would do anything for him.

Wednesdays, we'd order or I'd make a big meal and watch Man v. Food. Every Wednesday. We watched it all the time. It was our favorite night of the week. We had a list of locations we wanted to go to and try challenges and whatnot as well.

Until that one July afternoon when the rug was pulled from underneath my entire life and I was left to fall flat on my face...

Along with any past love, I'd also endured past heartbreak. None of which felt as painful as this one. It hurt to breathe, to move. I couldn't do anything but cry and wonder what I did wrong. Why he didn't love me. Why he left. The weekend prior was amazing... not to mention he was complimentary and sweet. I didn't get it. Honestly, I still don't. (Except now I don't care - lol)
Soon Wednesday came around. As sad as it made me, I decided to watch Man v. Food. Because as painful as it was to watch it by myself, I figured Adam Richman could cheer me up.
And he did.
Hugely.

Receiving a message or two (whose contents will remain private -- nothing scandalous, just nobody's business but my own) from Adam himself on Twitter really pulled me from the brink of mental breakdown.
I can't explain it. When I say it out loud, it sound ridiculous.
But his words of encouragement, his show and his wonderful personality brought me through one of the roughest times of my life.
So, I guess the point of this is that I wanted to say thank you. Thank you, Adam Richman. Even though I can't really explain it, you saved my life. You've kept me sane, you've made me smile, and you continue to do so still.
I appreciate you more than I can say.

Alton Brown: Disrespectful Douchebag

I have been stewing over this since the delightful Adam Richman brought this to Twitter's attention the other day. So as per the technological generation, a blog felt necessary.
Personally, I have always found Mr. Brown to be a pretentious sonofabitch. I could never stand him. But to rip on Adam Richman, who doesn't seem to have a bad thing to say about anyone, without merit and with complete ignorance to what Man v. Food is about feels like absolute blasphemy.

Brown says this:

"That show is about gluttony, and gluttony is wrong. It's wasteful. Think about people that are starving to death and think about that show. It's an embarrassment."

I'm sorry, but this is one thing that is ridiculously irritating to me.
I'm sure in the production of a season of MvF, food is not ripped from the hands of the starving.
An outlandish extra amount of food is not prepared for Adam to take and eat in front of starving people.
The places visited make this food anyway. Who's to say if Adam didn't show up that day, someone else wouldn't have ordered twice as much? Would they also receive criticism from Alton Brown about gluttony and how starving people exist?
Next time I see some fatass at McDonald's ordering 3 double cheeseburgers, I'll be sure to alert him or her that there are starving people in the world and that they are disgusting too.
Or, if you knew anything about anything, Mr. Brown, you'd know that Adam Richman contributes to many hunger relief charities.

Also, the show is NOT about gluttony. It's about showcasing hardworking everyday people who make interesting food. Food that is consumed by everyday people. I know many people who've traveled to MvF locations because Adam has brought them to light. It allows the everyman to indulge in an occasional treat while traveling or perhaps even right down the street.

And I'm sorry, but the only "EMBARRASSMENT" here is Alton Brown himself. Is your career not thriving to the point that you need to tear down others? And not to mention others who happened to ADMIRE you?! THAT'S embarrassing..... and fucking childish.

Brown finishes his mindless babble by kissing Andrew Zimmern's ass. (Zimmern, who came to the side of Richman, BY THE WAY). Here's what he said about Bizarre Foods vs. MvF...

"You know why? He can go to strange places and he never disrespects anybody. So there's a show about a guy eating stuff, but it's the other side of the coin of 'Man vs. Food.'"

.......so..... that just flat-out makes no sense.
Who has Adam Richman disrespected?
People at the locations? Nooo..
MvF Crew? Nooo....
Fans? Noooo....
Fellow hosts? Nooo....


All in all, what I'd really like to say to Alton Brown is this:
A- Please hop off your pedestal. You're seriously not better than anyone.
2- MvF has a fucking ARMY. Good Eats has geriatrics.
D- Go fuck yourself.


That is all.

i can't wait to get out of here.

i can't get to new york fast enough. i don't care if i don't have money or a job or a place to live.
i'd rather be living on the streets there than anywhere here.
thirty four days and i will be in new york. i can't wait.
i have a complete mental boner from the idea.

all of my paychecks are going into my savings account from this week forward.
watch out, fuckers. i'm coming to nyc.
i'm coming ready and full of cash.
WATCH. THE. FUCK. OUT.

live free, die hard.

well, things are a little better.
some plans have changed. as per my deep desire, i am moving my happy ass back to new york city come the end of september.
there's nothing for me in illinois anymore. even my mother is trying to get out.
i know, people elsewhere think illinois must be fun because of chicago, but really.. the fun ends there. it's just a lot of field and corn and suburban bullshit.
get me outta here!!

i'm set for a visit to the city sept. 2nd-5th. can't. freakin. wait.

i deleted my facebook yesterday.
i've decided i'm going to try and live as close to a minimalistic lifestyle as possible.
i want less things, less distraction and more life.
the only sites i use now are this blog and twitter.
i'm also trying to keep my phone off for most of the day, everyday.
nine times outta ten, i look at my phone and then forget why i was looking at my phone in the first place.
these are kick-able habits and i'm gonna work on it.
i tell you what, i don't miss facebook one bit.

beyond all that, not much else going on in the world of the single woman.
work and lots of it.
manvfood and lots of it.
beer here and there.
and uh.. that's about it. lol

hope all is well with everyone.

ouch.

today, july 3rd, in the midst of a holiday weekend with oodles of plans, my boyfriend of two and a half years broke my heart. basically telling me that he doesn't love me anymore, he broke off our relationship.

i've been in the broken-hearted position before. it doesn't make it any easier. it hurts. it hurts more than anything in the world. the one person in the world i've ever really loved and cared for tossed me aside like i didn't even matter.

my face is literally sore and pulsating from crying so much.

this hurts. i can't see it getting any better in the near future. everything hurts. every song or cd i own, every movie or tv show i watch. it all reminds me of him. reminds me of the man i love... who doesn't love me.

it took everything in the world for me to trust him enough to love him. it scared me shitless and on a promise he wouldn't hurt me, i let my guard down. i don't regret doing it because it opened me up to a world of love i would have never known.

but here i sit on saturday night. alone. crying. hurt. and missing him. i didn't think anything could ever hurt this much; and again, this isn't the first time i've been heartbroken.

i have nothing.
my heart hurts and nothing makes it better.
nothing.

my plans for a happier, healthier me!

aside from my weird mood, i thought i'd also share the ways in which i am taking steps in the right direction with my life.
when all roads led to my moving back with my mom for the summer, i decided i'd use it to my benefit. there were things and habits in my life i needed to change and/or break.
so here they are..

1. i'm enrolling in school for the fall. i've already applied and i'm filling out forms for student aid, etc. i'm going back to school for journalism and english studies. i'm not sure what i'm going to do with them yet, but just earning a degree of some sort will make me feel like way less of a loser.

2. i'm working on quitting smoking. i've already cut back to half of what i used to smoke daily. i feel i can have this habit kicked by next month.

3. i'm getting healthy. in addition to the long, long walks i take every morning with my dog, i'm eating better and eating less. i've been a fatty for far too long and i am not about to stay this way.

4. i'm going to become financially sound. my money disappears. i don't even know where. so, i'm going to become more financially stable and more responsible with my dollars.


only four steps, you ask? yes. only four steps. but they are four big steps.. and four big steps that will help create a healthier, happier me. :)

oyy...

well, the past few months have been interesting... and busy. lots of weddings. lots of baby news. a couple of my friends are expecting. oddly, it's making me incredibly jealous. a few more friends have gotten engaged... which definitely makes me jealous. i've never been one of those girls who dreams about her someday wedding at night. but being with the man you're pretty positive you're going to spend the rest of your life with makes you want those things. and i want those things.

today i've relinquished my keys to my apartment. i no longer live on my own.... again. back at my mom's. somehow i always end up here. no matter what i do i end up here. i want to be in my own place with my boyfriend. that's all i want for now. one next step. not all the next steps at once. just one.

so, here i lie on an air mattress in my makeshift room.

depressing. it's good. it's giving me a chance to get back on my feet, which i desperately need to do. free food, free living, free everything. it's wonderful. but in the same respect, my freedoms are almost gone and i feel like a huge burden on everyone. i'm doing my best to do my share and kind of stay in the shadows, but i always feel like i'm in the way or i'm doing something wrong.

i don't know. just a weird mood today.

i suppose i should sleep. i'll be awoken soon.

i miss being a kid. things were easier then.
i'm sure i'll be writing here a lot more frequently. i've got the time. believe me. i've got the time.

things are looking kind of up...

so, i'm hoping to be in my new apartment by july. i think i've found the perfect one.
i've come into a bit of money and i'm trying to save the best i can. it's difficult not to
spend money when you live on your own. it's always easier to just pick up fast food
on your way home than come home and cook. plus gas, smokes (which, yeah i could
do without--to some degree lol), etc.

anyway, worked both jobs today. i'm beat.
i have much more to do this week. tomorrow after work i have a birthday party
for my boyfriend's nephew. thursday i have to go to my grandma's after work.
and then FRIDAY! woo hoo! i couldn't be more ready for this weekend. i have not
had a single night of rest this week and i won't until friday. so, we'll see what happens.

well, i must now crash as i must get up and start this shit all over again tomorrow. :)

more bloggings another time.

good vibes and smiles.
-j

out, out, out, out, OUT!

i wanna get out of this apartment as soon as i possibly can.
i'd rather live in my car with my dog and all of my belongings.
everyone in my life is becoming SO incredibly useless to me.

you have a bad night and you think, "oh hey, my boyfriend
might wanna come cheer me up", but no, he's wrapped up in
his own shit AS USUAL.
or maybe like you've been asking for the past month, he'd come over
on tuesdays when you're working twelve hour days at two jobs just to make
ends meet and to eventually pay for everything we do over the weekend, so
he can simply let the dog out so he doesn't piss all over the room.
but no, he's wrapped up in his own shit, AS. USUAL.

i am so tired of this shit.

my roommate constantly has to have someone here. they gotta fuckin' party.
hey, you know what's a great idea? let's go pick up one of my (as in her's) friends
who just got a two month old female puppy and bring it over to the apartment
where my roommate (me) has a grown male dog who's not neutered and then let
my (her) friend badmouth my (her) roommate and her dog because he's not used
to being around young female dogs and wants to fuck her.

so in a rage, i storm off to my bedroom with my dog who has been whining incessantly
for the past two hours because he just wants to play with the puppy.

i am fed up with feeling like a fucking guest in my own fucking apartment. i am tired of never having a say in WHEN people come over and WHAT people come over. i'm tired of being disrespected in a home that I pay for by people who DO NOT pay to live here, but seem to weasel their way into staying here for days at a time. this isn't a god damn commune!

i am FED. UP.
i have two months left here and i'm hoping i can keep my sanity that long. i've come two years without flipping my shit on everyone here and i'm trying to keep it all sound in my brain until then.

so here i lie, exiled to my room in MY home. i'm furious at pretty much everyone right now.
trying so desperately to keep my cool right now.

i hate this place. i wish i had the money to pay for the next two month's rent. i'd fucking drop it in the rent slot and leave.
i'm out may 1st. i'm dropping off my rent check and LEAVING.

i miss new york.
i wanna go right this second.
i'm so tired of all the selfishness from the people in my day-to-day life. it's really getting obnoxious. i give and i give and i give and i receive nothing in return. less than nothing.
i'm not taking this shit anymore.
i quit everyone.
go to hell, all of you.

3/4

another day, another dollar.
speaking of which, i get paid at midnight. excellent.

i wonder if anyone else ever experiences this:
you want something (doesn't matter what or who it is. ie- wanting to leave work,
wanting to be with a certain someone, etc.) so badly that it feels as though your
brain is in a glass case and you cannot free yourself from the utter frustration
of not being able to have what you want. it's almost impossible to explain what
i mean. you nearly become literally claustrophobic in a literally open setting
because of the wavelengths your brain is on.

i wonder if there's a medical term for that. perhaps it's "impatience". lol

i can't wait for my license plate sticker to arrive so i can actually do what i
would like to do at night. i don't need a ticket for expired plates. that's just
not a good idea.

tomorrow's friday, thankfully.
i gotta find a way to get through my workday so i can come home to my
honey. thinking of having some folks over saturday night, so that should be
fun. i'm looking forward to actually being able to turn my brain off and
unwind this weekend. it's going to go by so fast, i just know it. heh.

well, if i find myself unable or unwilling to blog this weekend, i hope you,
the universe, resound in peace and harmony until i return.

send lovey vibes into the world.

jess

safe place to blog...

well, i decided to create one of these. i have certain people on my facebook, myspace and twitter that read everything i post. i wanted a place to call my own to (electronically) release some thoughts, frustrations, anger, happiness, ideas, etc. a place where random people read, not people i see everyday.
so that's what this blogspot is for. i'll update as often as i can and as detailed as i can.

so as of today, things are really looking up for me. it's great because 2009 was such a shit year. i lost so much and spent so much of it sad and lonely. now i'm working constantly and i'm making good money. i'm comfortable and happy and i have room to move around financially. and the best part? i did it all on my own. i made this happen for myself. i had help staying afloat, of course, but all i have now, i achieved all on my own. i'm proud of me. and what's better, my mom's proud of me. there's nothing better than her being proud of me. i know i've done good when she's happy with how i'm doing and what i'm doing. twenty four years old and her approval still means the world to me.

i have four weddings to attend this year. FOUR! three of them from people i know, one is one of kevin's friends. so many people i know are getting married and/or having kids. it makes me jealous and impatient. i want kevin to be done with school. i wanna be engaged. i wanna get married. but i'm so grateful for what i have right now, right this second that i try to stop, breathe and remember that life is good the way it is. i'll have it all one day. and the best part is, i know exactly who i'm going to spend the rest of my life with. that's a great feeling.

as i lie here in my apartment alone, looking for my next apartment, i'm eternally grateful for the people in my life. they're there for a reason and i couldn't be happier. i think i've finally weeded out almost all of the negative in my life. i'm so glad. stress is not for me. negativity is not for me. i can't handle it. i need calm and positivity. i'm a serene person and i need serenity around me.

looking forward to the weekend ahead. much to do, much to enjoy.
considering getting a new comforter and bed sheets this weekend. very excited.

i'm not sure who is going to end up reading this. even if it's no one, i'm glad my words are out here.

take care, whoever you are.
appreciate your universe and the people in it. <3

jess